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Like Oil and Water

1. When two people or things do not mix or go together.

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Polar opposites. Positive and negative. Black and white. Up and down. Love and hate. Oil and water. The inability to combine because indifferences are simply too strong to overcome. For oil and water, the two are unable to mix together because water molecules are more attracted to each other than oil molecules are. Usually when a relationship does not work out, the couple, much like oil and water, do not mix well with each other.      According to Miri Rosen of “The Date Report,” 85 percent of relationships end in breakups. For someone who thinks they are in a relationship with their soul mate, that statistic may seem more than daunting to them. The real question for the other 15 percent that stays together: what does it take in order to make the relationship work?

A relationship is when two or more objects, concepts or people are connected to one another. People build relationships with others when they feel a connection; whether that connection has to do with happiness, love, or sex, the relationship will grow, change, sever, and build based on the people invested.

“Relationships are more than just a personal want,” junior Joseph Karolewicz said. “You need a lot of passion and trust.”

Relationships are a two way street–effort from both sides is necessary. If one partner is in a relationship for one reason and the other is not in it with him/her, the relationship will likely not work out. A common interest is usually a simple gateway to a successful relationship.

“When you find that common interest with someone you know there’s a good chance things will work out,” junior Sydney Kraus said. “Otherwise there’s no connection.”

When words, events, gifts, and experiences are a constant replay, things can get boring, like watching a movie over and over again. Relationships work the same way. When a couple spends too much time together and never tries anything new, problems arise.  And when problems come along, a relationship can become toxic.

“Going on dates or even walks can keep things interesting,” Karolewicz said. “It keeps things from getting boring and leading to issues.”

Believe it or not, no matter how happy a couple may seem, there are always disputes in relationships. Whether it is who drives who or whose turn it is to pay, all couples fight. In relationships, fighting is unavoidable. It is how a couple handles difficult situations and how much effort they are willing to put into making the relationship better and to change that fighting into nothing.

“The most important thing is to just keep your cool,” Kraus said. “Also, definitely don’t hold grudges against them.”

Recently, one distractor that could be a potential problem in relationships is the use of social media. Technology has drawn people’s attention away from their partners to their phone screens. The amount of time on cell phones has increased while the amount of time socializing with others in person has decreased.  

Ian Kerner, a psychotherapist who specializes in couples counseling, said technology is one of the main topics that comes up in his couple therapy.

“Couples are not having direct face-to-face conversations,” Kerner told Pri.org. “Sometimes, therapy is one of the only times these couples are having a real, genuine conversation together.”

Not only is it important to use social media at the right times, but also using it appropriately. This is when being in a relationship with trust is important.

“It’s easy being straight up and honest with someone when you can trust them,” Kraus said. “That way social media won’t be a problem.”

The saying “opposites attract” is said all the time; but is it really true? If one partner is interested in spending as much time as possible with the other, but the other is not, how will that work? According to Neil Clark Warren’s, Ph.D, 30 years of counseling married couples, opposites drive each other crazy, while people who are more alike usually work out better.

“Sydney and I have some things that we both don’t share the same interest in,” Karolewicz said. “But the amount of things that are in common overpower the uncommon ones, which is mainly why we work out well.”

Couples are more like math, where two negatives multiplied together equal a positive, making the saying “opposites attract” more of a myth.  

For the 15 percent of relationships that last, what does it take in order for them to do so? This is a low percentage of those who think they have found their one love because the other 85 percent of those relationships will not work out. Just like oil and water, relationships do not go well when the couple does not mix together. In reality, oil floats on top of water, making them an unstable mixture. The real answer to how the relationships that last do so, is how well they really go together. Absolute attraction. Positive and negative are equal. Black and white are grey. Up and down are flat. Love and hate stay steady. Oil and water finally mix.

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Like Oil and Water