Telling family members one loves them and making the most of the time one has with their loved ones is the key to not having regrets if a family member or friend passes. Losing a friend or family member can be challenging, imagining a conversation with a lost loved one has the ability to provide closure. Visiting their grave or decorating their grave weekly, monthly or annually can also help with the passing of a family member or friend. (Valerie Ros)
Telling family members one loves them and making the most of the time one has with their loved ones is the key to not having regrets if a family member or friend passes. Losing a friend or family member can be challenging, imagining a conversation with a lost loved one has the ability to provide closure. Visiting their grave or decorating their grave weekly, monthly or annually can also help with the passing of a family member or friend.

Valerie Ros

One More Conversation

November 19, 2019

I have always loved the amount of support that you’ve given to me. You have been there my whole life, and kept me on my feet. All of the adventures we have had will never fade in my memory. I am going to miss you. I love you so much, and I hope you have fun while you are up there.

For some, this is how a final conversation goes; that last conversation before someone never returns. For others, this conversation will never happen, and they are left thinking what exactly they would say to the person that they will never come face-to-face with again. It’s their final conversation.

The ambiguity of life will always baffle humankind; humans long for an answer or a meaning. To have a final conversation with someone that has passed would provide insight, comfort and an opportunity to gain answers to questions that are otherwise unanswerable.

“If I was able to have one last conversation with someone who has passed,” junior Erika Mehring said. “I would probably ask them what the best moment of their life was, and what they would have done if they had five more years left.”

With memories from the past flashing before people’s eyes and hearts left empty on the floor, there is always so much more to say to a person who was taken before one is ready, but never enough time to do so. Getting one more moment to be able to relive the past, recount those most precious memories and reflect on all the best pieces of life would be breathtaking. Graduation day, weddings, child-birth, promotions— these are all the obvious moments that stand out in a lifetime. One more conversation could mean one more story; one might learn about a cool summer night with friends on a dock under the stars— a moment filled with emotion and surprise. That day when a car was packed up on a whim and the most amazing spontaneous road trip ensued is just another example. All the little inside jokes that are still said, but no one seems to remember how they started. Maybe it’s the day that two best friends met each other under the most odd circumstances, not knowing that that very moment would change their lives forever. These are the final conversations where best moments of life that might have been taken for granted in the moment, are shared and internalized for an eternity.

Of course, a conversation has two sides, and death inevitably affects the people that are left behind.

“The last thing that I would say to [my friend’s dad] is how much I appreciated him and how he sacrificed so much just to make sure that his three kids were always okay,” senior Spencer Lazarz said. “I would also tell him how much I loved him as a father figure, and how much I wish things were different.”

If the chance were given, then what might one say to someone that has passed?

This moment becomes a chance to learn about someone else’s best memories of them. These moments impact the people around them most. Sometimes the actions might mean more to the people that love us than we assume, and it’s something that tends to go left unsaid until it’s too late.

Unfortunately, Lazarz did not get to have the ideal last conversation that many wish to have. This lack of closure leaves people with questions constantly pondering their minds. These questions can range anywhere from if the person loved them, to what they need to do to be happy by the end of their time.

Not getting these answers are a huge source of regret and leads us to wonder what we can do to minimize the regrets that we might have throughout our lives.

“The number one thing I would say to someone who has passed is if they were happy with how their life was overall,” Mehring said. “And if they had any regrets or anything they would have changed.”

We all have a few things we might change about our lives, but does it align with the things that we would change after the fact? Would they tell us about how they should not have spent so much time worrying about what college they got into? Or that they wished they had listened to their mother? Or maybe even that they wished they had slowed down a bit to enjoy the little things in life while they had the time. Maybe their regrets wouldn’t be about any of the major things at all, but rather that they wished they had told people they loved them more.

For those of us that have lost a loved one, we might tell them that we regret not spending more time with them. Others may tell them how their family gathered around them with their souls aching from sadness and their fingers crossed, hoping to somehow have just a little bit more time to spend with this person. Time goes by way too fast, and lives are taken for granted: one of the biggest regrets of all. After the death of a loved one, many people can end up living in the past and wishing that they could have done more for that person, with regrets that they didn’t spend as much time with them as they wished.

“My grandma’s brother had died… seeing my family so hurt by the passing, I wish I could have talked to him or at least gotten to know him a little better,” Sophomore Isabella Bussone said.

There may be regrets from not getting close to people, but learning from mistakes is a big takeaway from these situations.

“My last ideal conversation would probably be a conversation about the person’s life,” Lazarz said. “I’d want to know their outlook on life. One person I can definitely think about is [my friend’s dad]. His passing hit me and him pretty hard, and being able to have a last conversation with him would mean the world, not only to me, but [my friend], too.”

Lazarz touches on the meaning of life, which is the ultimate question to be answered. Perhaps, the answer would be found in the best moments and memories of someone’s life. Perhaps, it would be found in the regrets or things that someone would choose to change. Perhaps, the answer would never be found at all. Maybe the meaning of life isn’t meant to have an answer, but instead, is something that we learn simply by living it, slowing down and taking the time to tell the people around us that we love them. Or by making sure that we do our best to live life with no regrets. Maybe the meaning of life is simply to love others. No matter what your interpretation might be, we must always remember that a final conversation is rarely an option.

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