What It Feels Like To Be Ignored

What It Feels Like To Be Ignored

It was after elementary school when it started to happen. I guess even in elementary it was happening, I just didn’t really notice it. When I walked into Antioch Upper Grade School, there were so many people: both familiar faces and people I had never seen before.

I was a little nervous, but I’m sure every other kid had the same feeling. At this time I only had one or two friends. I was ready to meet some kids and make new friends, but that’s not how it was going for me. It wasn’t like kids were being mean or bullying me, it was like they just didn’t notice me. I almost felt like I was invisible to the school; it seemed like no one wanted to talk to me or get to know me. At first it didn’t really bother me; I would just let it go and try not to think about it too much. Then it started to frustrate me.

I didn’t understand why no one wanted to talk to me. Days just seemed to go by slower and slower. Oftentimes they would drag. I sometimes would even try to make friends, but it never worked. They just turned me down or would pretend like they cared about what I was saying. It started to get bad; I was getting really depressed and had a lot of anxiety. It was social anxiety, where I was always self conscious about what I say or do. Every day became more of a struggle; I had so much on my mind. I just had no one to talk to I felt like there was no point for me to be there anymore. It already felt like I wasn’t there.

I started to get some crazy thoughts in my head.

They wouldn’t leave.

I tried to make school more fun and exciting, but the more I was there, the more I hated it. I thought to myself, how can someone be ignored like this for almost two years?

It was too much.

All I wanted was some friends to hang out with and talk with when I had a problem going on in my life.    

I would go home and feel emotionally drained. All I wanted to do was stay in my room and do nothing for the rest of the day. I hated school. I hated showing up to school. I would beg my mom every day if I could miss school, but as any mother would say… ‘no.’ I just had to pick my head up and keep going. After two years, I still wanted to quit and give up on it all. I felt like there was no hope for me; people just didn’t like me or they thought I was weird. I never really knew. The summer went by real fast, and before you knew it, the new school year was about to start. It was the beginning of my eighth grade year and I had given up completely on my grades, on trying to make friends and on pretty much everything.

Until a few weeks in, a kid came up to me and sat next to me in science class. ‘What’s up? Don’t you live in my neighborhood?’ and right from there, we started to talk. He asked me to hangout one day and I said sure, why not. I met all of his friends. After that, we started to hang out almost every day. Ever since that day I never felt ignored again.

I was thankful.

I guess in a way you could say he definitely saved me from myself, and for that I’m forever grateful.